Advice worried not taken seriously if have affair with boss

1 Rec

Your reputation and your job are in jeopardy if you do. You need to think long and hard about whether it's worth it!

Shared by Rajav

I am a mid-twenties single career-minded woman, and I recently returned from a two month residency working in South America. It was an amazing opportunity for me, and opened up many doors.

Unfortunately, I think I made a big mistake... after a few weeks on the job, the boss there hit on me and I went with it, because I was attracted to him. This continued for the rest of the time I was there, and became 'serious' in terms of the language he used to describe his feelings for me (that he loves me and wants to be with me, etc). The problem is that he is very closely connected to my boss and the company here in the USA, he is married in South America (yes, I know...) and he continues to call and write me, which makes me even more interested in him. I never thought I would actually fall for him, but I think I have, and this is so difficult because he will be in the USA a lot in the next few months. I am actually interested in him, and he wants to see me here which could be very bad for my career if people see us together in this way. I just want my career to be taken seriously, and not just that 'blonde american girl the boss is sleeping with.' I am certain that I am not the first woman this has happened to, and I can completely see how dangerous this is for me in so many ways, but I don't know how to get out of this. Help, please...!

Commented by a contributor

You have put your reputation in the US at risk insofar as your career is concerned. And it's true, someone in the US might think you were wrecking a home, somewhere.

But that's an unabashedly bible belt mentality. Your lover is from South America, where sex outside marriage does not denote anywhere near as negative a connotation as it does in midwest America. Your lover's wife might have a lover. Or several.

And that's the real point. Your place in this guy's life is:

1. Different looking woman/girl
2. Based in a whole different country
3. Who will never replace his wife

And if you are ok with all that, then you might just lay back and enjoy yourself. Eventually he, or you, will move on.

Commented by b0xx

Tell him that although you really care for him, it was a mistake. You work together and he is married. And you don't think you want to continue things. Stick to your guns and don't be alone with him or communicate with him socially.

You are right about how it will be perceived, except you won't be "that blonde american girl." You will be known as "that blonde american homewrecking slut." For your own good, end it.

Commented by marinemj

Agree with the first answer completely. You need to end this and stay away from him when he comes to the US.

You know it was a big mistake, good for you. Perhaps seeing him without rose colored glasses will help you get over your feelings for him - he took advantage of a new employee while betraying his wife. Is this the kind of man you should really be attracted to? Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior; you were probably not the first.

Commented by Rajav

Your advice

Email me at this address if my advice is selected or commented on:

Privacy: Your email address will only be used for sending these notifications.

Related Advice