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Advice on getting over an infatuation

Requested in Love & Relationships by a contributor
edited by 2cent

1 Rec

I would take a break from dating and spend some time with yourself.
I'm in my mid-twenties and just came out of a really long relationship a few months ago. Last month I had a kind of a long "fling" with someone and now I can't stop thinking about them. I know this person wasn't even that great, and I would never want to date them, but I think about them constantly... how do you stop doing something like that? It makes me feel kind of dumb and it is taking up too much of my time.
Two things:

First, you are probably not really into the second guy. He has just become your brain's focus because dealing with him is easier than dealing with unresolved feelings for the ex. The technical term is "rebound."

Second, just enjoy the thoughts and know that they will fade with time. If in a few months they are still taking up too much time then just consciously stop yourself every time they come up. But odds are it won't get that far.
I agree that guy #2 was a rebound relationship and your brain is probably pretty confused. You went fairly quickly from a long term relationship to a long fling, with little time in between. The headiness of a new relationship is like a drug, but using it as a band-aid to keep from processing your emotions from the major breakup, to keep from feeling grief, is the wrong answer and it usually backfires.

We are supposed to feel things, even grief, if we are to learn from our life experiences. Your brain probably wants that drug back instead of doing the hard work.

It might not be a bad idea to talk to someone about both breakups before you get involved with someone else again.

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