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Advice on 18 yr old sons girlfriend staying over all the time

Requested in Parenting & Family by a contributor
edited by 2cent

1 Rec

You shouldn't allow her to sleep over so much. You, as the parents, need to present a united front and tell them it's not alright!
That's what I was thinking. My son is 18 and lives at home. I disapprove of her staying over a lot, but I get no support from my husband who lets my son do mostly anything he wants. In addition, they don't clean up after themselves, they both work, and contribute nothing. They leave lights on, take 2-3 showers a day, leave clothes and towels on the floor,help themselves to whatever they want, leaving dirty dishes for me to wash. I am constantly saying things to them, but I am ignored. If I say something to her, she gets upset and leaves for a day or 2, which then makes my son mad at me, but lo and behold, she eventually returns and it starts all over again. They have no respect for me. and no one seems to care what I think or how I feel. I don't know what to do. I have lost control of what goes on in my own house, and I'm miserable. Please help. thank you.
I think it's insane that the girlfriend is allowed to sleep over, and if you object, she has a hissy fit. Your husband needs to step up and support you. I think a direct hit is in order. No more sleepovers. The two lovebirds can get an apartment together if they're both working. You're not a hotel. If your husband doesn't back you up, then maybe all three of them can stay there and you can move out. This is a ridiculous situation. Your son will never grow up if his father enables him. If he wants to play house, they can act like grown-ups and start learning what that means.
Seriously, I would throw your freeloader of a son and his girlfriend out, regardless of what your husband says.

Before I would do that, however, I would take copies of my important papers to a divorce lawyer, tell him what is going on and learn my rights. Then I would tell my husband its time for some marital counseling - you are being disrespected in your own home by not only your son and his girlfriend, but your husband, which is the worst part of this problem. What kind of a marriage is that?

If he won't agree to go, start divorce proceedings. Your lawyer can tell you whether to leave yourself (and let the three of them live in a pigsty with no maid services from you) or stay and somehow have the other two evicted.
Give your son a deadline to move out. Tell him that if he wants to stay, the sleepovers and sloppiness have to stop. Enforce the deadline. If your husband objects, tell him you are done being disrespected in your own house and that is the end of it.

You have lost control of what goes on in your house and there is no way out but to take it back.
Tell your son if he wants to be treated like an adult he needs to act like it.

My problem with this situation isn't the fact that his girlfriend sleeps over. It's that he isn't doing shit around the house. You need to sit with him and make an agreement over responsibilities. If he can't meet it by X date he gets to move out.

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