Advice if parents wont pay college if go to bfs family reunion

1 Rec

Your parents sounds ridiculous and controlling. So you have a choice: cave to them and get your college covered, or declare your independence and start applying for financial aid. honestly, If it were me, I might stick it out, get what I need, and then break away. It all depends on you and how much you are willing to sacrifice to make them happy.

Shared by marinemj

I'm currently 21, living with my parents and they are paying for my college. In September school will be starting up again. Well, in October my boyfriends family is having a family reunion and I have been invited. It would require me to take a week off from work and school. I haven't yet said if I am going, I plan on waiting to see what is going on in my schooling first. When I discussed it with my mom she said that if I went they would no longer pay for my college and I still have 3 years until I earn my degree. I understand them not wanting me to miss school but at the same time...I'm only going to go if I know it won't put me behind or anything. Part of me questions their motives even more because they do not like my boyfriend and would prefer I broke up with him. It just seems they are using my education against me in order to get me to do what they want. I would never do anything to endanger my schooling and they of all people know this. Is it unreasonable of me to get angry because of this?

Commented by a contributor

Is it just this boyfriend, or have they given you ultimatums for other relationships? I think you need to decide how much of a grown-up you want to be. Whenever you do something they dislike, your parents may threaten to stop paying for your education. If you take a stand now, and call their bluff, it may show them you want to be treated like an adult. Just be prepared for the reality. I don't think it's fair to put restrictions on an education, unless the child isn't performing academically. What you're asking isn't unreasonable. MJ is right. They're being controlling. I never once considered not paying for my daughter's education, even when she was involved with a guy we hated. She had to find out the hard way he was a jerk. It's part of growing up. She never let anything get in the way of her education, and now she's Air Force JAG over in Germany. I think if you approach your parents and say, "I've checked my schedule, and it won't adversely affect my classes if I attend the reunion. I understand how you feel, and if that's your choice, I'll start making plans to get loans. I might have to get a job to cover some expenses, so please understand if I don't have a lot of time for you in the future." Throw a little reality in their faces. I'm sure they won't like that much. When the worm turns, I bet they'll rethink their position.

Commented by HarleyGirl

I think the issue here is that they're paying for a 15 week semester and you want to take a week off in the middle to have a vacation. That's how I see it. If you had more evidence than this one instance, I'd say your parents were controlling. But I think they just don't want their money to be wasted.

I missed two weeks of school during my senior year. That's by far the most school I've missed. The first was due to a pretty serious illness the first semester. That left me set back pretty far and definitely impacted my grades. The other I missed because I was presenting work at a conference in a far away part of the country. That one wasn't too bad to miss but I made arrangements to take tests in advance and I got notes from friends. Even though I knew about the presentation months in advance and planned everything, it still set me back. So even with advanced planning you fall behind.

Honestly, I don't think students should be taking vacations in the middle of the school year. Teachers don't like it either. It's fine to miss a class or two for major things like weddings & funerals. But this just isn't at that level. You really shouldn't miss a whole week of school for anything but an educational opportunity or an emergency.

Commented by Inah

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