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Advice on inconsiderate and selfish friend

Requested in Love & Relationships by a contributor
edited by 2cent

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I think you should talk to this friend and let him know how you feel about what he is doing. You shouldn't keep holding things in if you do you will end up hating your friend. Friends should be able to talk about anything.
I have a friend of several years. This person knows me inside and out, better than anyone. However, we fight like cats and dogs. I feel as if he is inconsiderate and selfish and he feels as if he does no wrong. For example, we will make plans to do something and he will bail at the last minute to do something else. When I call him out on these things this is when it gets rocky. We get into an argument and he refuses to talk about it as he says it stresses him out. So then, we end up having a conversation later on in which we think everything is worked out and won't happen again, which of course it does. I see it as a pattern of behavior that needs to be corrected, and he sees it as I overreact and that I shouldn't say anything because "no one else does." However, I do know for a fact that he does these things to others & they just don't say anything. I think that talking about it will eventually correct the behavior. Am I wrong? Is this person really my friend or should they be weeded from the garden?
Clearly, talking is getting you nowhere, and it isn't likely to. Accept that this is how this guy is and just don't rely on him. If you can live with that, fine. If not, weed him out.
If this person treats everyone the same way, sounds like this behavior is pretty much ingrained. I see self-centered, narcissistic behavior, which is not nice to be around.

Why do you think that talking about it would eventually straighten it out? He's already refused to talk about it and told you it stresses him out. IMHO, that means he has no intention of changing and, what is worse, isn't interested in how you feel.

It's like marriage - many people go into it thinking that a ceremony and a piece of paper are going to change the bad habits of the person they are marrying. Nothing will change another person unless they decide they want to change.

Decide if this person's bad behavior is worth having him in your life, but don't expect anything different from him if you stick around.
The reason he doesn't like being called on it is because he doesn't want to deal with his issues. He avoids confrontation and it would just be easier for him if people just let him walk all over them and let him do whatever the hell he wants. I'm not understanding what you see in him as a friend. I don't think you're overreacting. You have expectations. If you ever want to be able to make plans, get a different friend. I don't see him adding any value to your life. You want him to live according to your rules, and he wants to live by his. Cut him loose and you'll both be happier.

Why don't you try to explain your opinions? If he/she is your friend he/she will understand.

Good luck

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