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Advice on boyfriend being a jerk

Requested in Love & Relationships by a contributor
edited by 2cent

1 Rec

Sounds like you deserve better. What's going on with him?
My boyfriend and me have been in a wonderful relationship for the past one year. He has one bad habit. He's a better looker. In fact, very handsome in our entire college. He does say things to me abt the way I look. That is he comments on me that I'm short and dark. I tell him I don't like it. I don't talk to him for a day or two and then he comes back to me and gets all desperate to talk to me. Recently I got angry on him when he said I'm dark again. I stopd talking to him for a day. The next day I went out with my girlfriend and her boyfriend without informing him. He hates it when I don't tell him what I'm up to. He is very possessive and insecure.

Lately I came to know he's also psychotic. He boozes and calls me up in the middle of the nite and verbally abuses me. He never did that before. I lied to him though. Actually, the guy whom I went out with that is my girlfriend's guy has a very bad reputation and my boy hates him cuz he is very smart to look at also. My boyfriend is very insecure. He's one year younger than me but very more mature than me.

So I went out with my friends and my girlfriend is having a secretive relationship with this guy so she didn't want me to tell my bf that I was with them. As a matter of fact my girlfriend has these casual relationships with multiple partners and has a very bad character. So her guy at college is one such relationship. She did not want my boyfriend to know that I was wid them. All three went out in a car and unfortunately my boy saw us. My guy always had this feeling that my best friend wud influence me someday and make me do wrong things like drinking and two timing. But I loved my guy a lot truly and I still love him. The day he learned that I lied to him he burnt himself with a cigarette and cut his hand. I felt very bad that day. But since then it's been a month since it has happened. He tortures me whenever he boozes. He calls me up and abuses me verbally.

I have been trying all month to get him back. I call him up and cry saying I'm sorry. But u know what he says? He says I cant trust u anymore and that he would treat me like this only. He says gimme some time and I may take years also but it seems he still hates me for doing that. He doesn't care if I cry and he tortures me even more.

Lately he started calling me up and started to create stories about me and any random guy in bed. He tortures me mentally. When I cry and ask him to stop doing what he's doing it only gets worse. He's taking this situation to his advantage and making me the weaker one. He called up one of my classmates and started to talk to her just to take his revenge on me. That day I became the laughing stock of college. Everyone talked about how my boyfriend talked to this other girl and flirted with her to make me suffer. I can't take any more of this. Plz help me. But I want my boyfriend back. I simply don't know how to. I talked to him today. Also I've been calling him up and he keeps on abusing me and hangs up. But one thing he told me a couple of days ago he said that he would stay single for a while and then come back to me after a few months. So that I understand his value. But I miss him so much and also I'm scared he would go to some other girl.
First of all, this jerk is not the only boy (he's not a real man) on the planet. Find some distractions and start to forget about him. You deserve better. If you go back to him he will always hold things over you and the relationship will be one-sided. You already said he was possessive and insecure; now he's trying to be controlling. Why would you fight to get that back? Plus, he's disrespected you to your community! Have some dignity! As much as it hurts to let go of someone you think you want, you have to save yourself. A relationship will never work if one person is always desperate and doing all the giving. The other person will continue to take and want more, until the giver is drained of their soul, or until the light bulb finally comes on and they say, "Screw this. I'm outta here." Please flip that switch now and have some pride.
Why would you ever want this guy back? He's insecure, controlling, manipulative, and verbally and mentally abusive. And no matter what you think or what he tells you, no one deserves to be treated like that. Ever.

So I guess my advice would be to stop crying over him and stop answering the phone when he calls. Concentrate on school and your classes and hanging out with other friends. This guy is a loser and you are better off without him.

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